If you own a drug cartel, it’s safe to say you won’t be running an honest business. The entire operation is built upon deception. Telling a few lies keeps the feds from the door. It also helps to buy some much-needed time when the head of a South American crime family presses a gun to your temple. Making shit up, as you dig your own grave in the heart of the Bolivian jungle certainly does hone the art of telling porkies.

So why not come with me on a journey through falsification——in business? Oh, say you will!

Here’s what we’re covering:

Lying: A Brief History.

We all lie. (Yep, even you.)

*Cue affrontery*

When this article was first published in May 2021, I had readers insist they didn’t lie——it was IMPOSSIBLE for them to lie. The truth is, that’s a lie. Unless there’s a neurological reason, we all lie——unconsciously or not. Cool your heels, Debs, lying is on a spectrum, from the big stonkers to the little white ones. We regularly lie to ourselves: I’m starting the diet on Monday. That makes the forty-fifth Monday, meanwhile, those jam doughnuts won’t eat themselves.

It’s false to assume all lying is bad. Fibbing can save the lives of folks in danger (think about the Bolivian jungle incident). They can also bring comfort. If a dying loved one believed in a heaven, filled with beloved dead pets, waiting to greet them, you wouldn’t say, sorry Sue, that’s bollocks. No, you’d agree and hold her hand as she drifted off to paradise. Let’s face it, when she realises heaven is pitch-black oblivion, she’ll be unable to call you a fucking liar.

Many of us break promises we know we can’t keep. This happens in relationships a lot. It’s impossible to see what’s lurking around future’s corner. For example, Martin tells Sonya he’ll never leave her… unless he dies first… or he starts seeing Trish from work.

Some folks are always spinning a yarn: enter the pathological liar. These are a different animal altogether. They lie when there’s no legitimate reason——they can’t help it. Have you ever met one? I know one very well. I’ve studied his lying for over twenty years. He’s often the hero of the tall tales he tells. He always conveniently lands in the right place at the right time. He has an event to match everyone’s lived experience. Like many works of fiction, his accounts are often outlandish, inconceivably detailed and utter bullshit.

I’m a big fat liar.

I am an honest business owner but I’m also a good liar. Storytellers are. And that’s my prerogative as a writer, I get to be creative with a narrative so although I’m not being dishonest in all the obvious ways (not paying taxes——shoutout to the top 1% or taking money under false pretences——a huge portion of the wellness sector), no, but I am, quite often telling fibs.

“I don’t think that counts, Sarah.”

Lying is lying, regardless of your perspective. The truth is, I don’t have a real-life story to illustrate every point I make. My life is not that thrilling. I sometimes have to make stuff up.

Unscrupulous bastards.

An honest business doesn’t make money at any cost. But some are making conscious decisions to do just that. You only have to peer at your junk mail to see how ubiquitous grifter services are. The internet is full of scam websites flogging goods that don’t exist——for the sole purpose of making as much cash as possible before they get shut down. And when they do, the arseholes move on to the next con.

But not every business owner is on that top tier of duplicity. Perhaps some folks are looking to impress the market by appearing more successful than their bank accounts show. Welcome to LinkedIn! The place where you can be whatever you want despite the truth. It’s full of freelancers and ‘CEOs’ trying to convince you that they’re a big deal. That’s all gravy until they’re found out. Like dead bodies in water, unsubstantiated claims have an annoying habit of rising to the top.

Lots of talk of death in this article. I probably should’ve added a trigger warning at the start.

Shaft your SEO with lying.

Building domain authority is a driver in terms of organic traffic. And expert authority boosts your overall SEO. So when people read your blog, the one that demonstrates your knowledge, they’re like, damn, you got some industry smarts, bruv, hey, Donny, come and read this!

So far, so sweet.

However, Google hates a bullshitter. It will assess how content impacts your audience. For example, if you’re selling products and the claims about their benefits aren’t credible, that’s a surefire way to balls up your ranking.

You can read more about that here: E-A-T: the SEO principle that feeds your prospects.

Unethical is not unlawful.

You’ve seen the ads on YouTube: how to become a millionaire by selling air on Amazon. For the gullible among you, no proper businessperson will espouse making a killing with almost no effort at all——they are lying to you. The bitter pill is this: there are no quick fixes to earning more, losing fat, improving your SEO or training for Everest. Sadly, these ‘businesses’ litter their content with a haul of disclaimers——just enough to allow them to work within the parameters of the law.

Scarcity selling tactics aren’t illegal either but we know deep down, for a lot of companies, there’s no ‘last chance to buy’ nonsense. Then there’s the hiking up of prices for a week, only for it to drop to the ACTUAL price the following——so it can be seemingly sold at 50% off. Sofa retailers have been doing this for years——and don’t get me started on supermarkets and their loyalty schemes.

There are two certainties in life: death (more death) and the DFS sale. Long after humans have perished and the cockroaches take over, there’ll still be time to grab a Milano two-seater for £399.

Be an honest business.

Where possible and applicable, be as transparent as you can. An honest business culture that avoids double talk will cultivate trust which makes folks feel the following: safe, secure, and cared for.

I can quite believe you’re running a business with integrity, a business that values deadlines, communication, and paying people on time. If so you sound like my DREAM client.

Article updated, 9th May 2024.

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