Are you my business valentine?

Retainer client for freelance writer Oxford

If you want a regular writer and you feel like this:

Then, hello, WELCOME HOME.

I don’t care what industry you work in.

As long as you want lively, non-conformist content—I’m your man. And no, Karen, I don’t mean swearing (unless you want me to swear), I just mean you want to avoid being dull (and like every other business in your industry). If words like off-beat, idiosyncratic, individualistic, distinctive, and outlier don’t make you cringe, we are meant to be together.

Work with me on the regular and we will have a lorra fun.

There will be LOLs aplenty as your regular writer—I cannot stress enough how many LOLs there will be. And no, I haven’t measured the LOLs on average but lemme tell you—expect a tsunami of hilarity.

I qualify as your writer if you have…

What can I do for you?

Apart from being your personal entertainer, I can offer you real, actual work.

I can (be your hero, baby):

I can (wash away your tears):

I can stand by you forever (or for as long as you’d like me to stand by you). If talk of this has made you excited (great but you do need to get out more) let’s make sweet content babies together.

What’s this going to cost you?

Let’s be real, I ain’t no cheap date. And despite my appearance, I like the finer things in life. But it all depends on this: what do you want from me? You might decide to mix my consultancy work with some writing work. Maybe you’re after a regular blogger. In truth, I’m not fussed but please have a budget in mind.

How does it work?

We communicate ideas and we discuss them. We devise a cunning plan and we put it into practice. We arrange a regular call to make sure you’re happy. You can pass on your thoughts (and funny memes) via email or WhatsApp.

Payment, how does that work?

You secure the retainer with one monthly fee. Once paid, I schedule the start of our beautiful relationship. We set up a Direct Debit thereafter. 

What if you hate working with me?

No worries, you can cancel but all I ask is you give me 60 days notice.

Read my full terms here.

Next steps:

Book a call with me (Content Confab).

You’ll get an entire hour to brain-dump your content thoughts. The cost of that delight is £200 but if you decide to hire me, I’ll deduct that cost from the first month’s retainer fee. And if you don’t go ahead? You’ve had an hour of my precious time.

Here’s how to book the Content Confab:

  1. Think about what you want from me
  2. Make a list of those things
  3. Email all that to:

I’ll be in touch to arrange payment and schedule a time. After the call, you’ll get a follow-up email of our discussion. What are you waiting for, send that email.