4 Reasons NOT to hire an SEO Content Writer

The Sarky Type

There are probably more than 4 reasons not to hire an SEO content writer – correction: there are more than 4 reasons not to hire me. And if you want to know them all, check this blog post out.

I hope, by now, you understand that content is your best friend in terms of organic traffic.

And SEO content writing is all about getting your stuff seen on the web. Not only are these masters of the art great with words, they know how to boost brilliant copy from an SEO perspective.

If you have no clue about all this, do keep up or read My Blog.

Despite my attempts to educate you, you might still shout, nay, scream “up yours, you harridan!” or some other gender-specific insult.

If that is you – you’re gonna love this post, well, some of it.

So here are the reasons not to hire an SEO content writer (me).

1. You enjoy being invisible

If you have taken the time to build a mediocre, DIY website, with no knowledge of SEO then you’ll be enjoying the benefits of invisibility already. If that’s what you wanted from being online then good for you, you really have excelled in your quest for internet anonymity. I strongly suggest you dismiss anything content-related, and under no circumstances should you blog, that will lead to a significant increase in organic traffic.

Invisibility, as a superpower, is probably the one most of us would want. I’m as unoriginal as the rest of you, I like the idea of not being seen, especially if I can nose in on someone’s life and scare the shit out of them. Amusing as it might be to watch my neighbour have a mental breakdown as I hurl plates around his head, invisibility isn’t beneficial in a business sense. 

2. You don’t give a shit about your audience

You’re a maverick, you’re the best in your field (probably). You have zero time for people who aren’t as brilliant as you. Your website and online profiles are a shrine to your brilliance. Their sole purpose is for prospects to worship at the altar of you. When your audience isn’t a priority, you can focus on content that talks about your 20th industry award, how sexy you look in a suit, and blah, blah – I’m gonna throw up.

I care about the quality of my content and how it benefits you, my audience. I’m keenly focused on letting you know about what I do and how it helps you (or makes you laugh – or both). I want to leave no room for ambiguity. You should have a clear idea about me and my product. But more importantly, how that translates to your business. If nothing I do is clear to you, I need to go back to sploshing for a living.

3. You don’t want to sell your services 

Going back to that DIY website you’ve built (nice job by the way – loving the talking in the third-person). You might be selling stuff on your site but you don’t want anyone to know that you are. That’s why the invisible website works so well.

That was sarcasm, sometimes I have to tell people it’s happening.

Great content writing sells that thing you do without your prospects feeling like they’re being sold to. But SEO content writing gets them to your site first – before you wow them with your offering. How? By consistent, tip-top, client-focused, SEO-sexy, helpful content that drives organic traffic to your site. If it feels like I’m repeating myself it’s because I am.

Once there, you can make prospects see that what you’ve got going on is something to behold. And if your website is easy (like my mate Dave after a few Campari’s) well, you know what, those bitches will convert. But WORDS do that, not semaphore or interpretive dance. 

4. You hate SEO content writers

You might be the kind that likes to hate-read my content.

Maybe you LOVE hate-reading my content. I get it, some people are just so annoying you have to read what bollocks they’ve published. You crack on with whatever tickles your cherry.

I’m a fairly polarising character.

It wasn’t a marketing plan, this is how I am in real actual life, all I did was decide to see it as an advantage instead of trying to fit some professional, business mould. You don’t have to like me to work with me but you’re much more likely to want to if you see me as a kindred spirit.

And do you really want to do business with someone you can’t stand? Sounds fucking awful to me.

You might also hate my sense of humour.

For example, Pam has clear ideas about what she thinks is appropriate in a business.

In her eyes, there’s no room for inventive imaginative content, relaxed emails, and silly DMs. Although she knows fuck all about being funny, she feels it’s inappropriate. And when humour is used in business copy Pam says: “not everyone will get it and that could mean losing a lead”.

Kay, Pam.

Yeah, you know what, using your brand of funny might get lost in the translation with some of your audience but then, they’re not your audience. If you’re trying to please everyone because you think that means more eyes on your product, you’re a goddam fool.

And I pity the fool.

You might want to know about my services and how they benefit you and your business. I suggest you take a look.

  

2 Comments on “4 Reasons NOT to hire an SEO Content Writer

  1. I have a deep love of popular culture, and that’s fairly modern for me! Thank you! I need to check your blog out.

  2. Omg! Too funny! You do not look old enough to know the A-team…😏 But it is so refreshing to see someone who is not afraid to cuss….never understood why people get so easily defended these days…

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