Oi, website! You can’t hide, I can still see your terrible clichéd business phrases. Are you getting triggered right about now? It’s ok, hun, you’re in bad company coz most businesses barf up hackneyed lines across their company website.
Here’s what we’re covering…
Why do businesses use tired language?
Without doing research, I can’t answer definitively, but my opinion as someone who looks at a LOT of websites is that old habits die hard (the least successful instalment of the Die Hard franchise). I think clichéd business phrases are a hangover from early websites (The Hangover was a terrible movie). When something’s long established, it’s difficult to shake off. Change is tough, even when change is desired. We often retreat to the comfort of playing it safe.
Websites of yesteryear were overly formal and jargony. Professionalism was, and still is to an extent, synonymous with dull and uninteresting. And so our copy remains, dull and uninteresting. Like a silent fart, this guff sure does linger. Marry clichéd business phrases with industry best practice, and you have the most uninspiring copy imaginable. As business owners, we’ve unwittingly created a lacklustre style guide for business content.
B2C copy is different.
She’s way more chilled than B2B. Copy for public consumption has that luxury. She won’t piss off a truckload of stakeholders by using contractions. B2C gets conversational, and no one faints at her audacity. The reality is, no one’s getting pissed off when you use contractions (no one worth caring about anyway).
“Write without care or conscience to those who hate your content. They are dead to you.”
And the thing with contractions is they improve flow, which makes copy easier to read. You can still keep things formal (if that’s your bag).
We tend to view things binarily——it MUST be one or the other. Our style is either uptight, clunky corporate speak, or roadman street-wise slang; there cannot be a middle ground. But the reality is a sliding scale, and it’s possible to find the perfect place on that scale for your B2B business.
I like the unexpected. I like accountants who don’t sound like accountants. There’s a certain frisson in that, and frisson is so hard to come by these days.
Examples of clichéd business phrases.
If your webcopy is just another skin tag on the arsehole of business websites, you’ll hang your head as you read these clichéd business phrases…
1. We’re delighted to announce.
How delighted can you be to announce anything about your business? And if you are genuinely delighted, no one else is, not really. Sure, share your good news, but maybe do it in a way that benefits the audience.
2. We’re the market leaders.
Companies fall over themselves to tell prospects they’re the OG. Everyone’s a market leader. You can’t move for tripping over the fuckers. Even when it’s the truth, it sounds like bullshit so instead, get specific. Demonstrate how you’re leading the way.
3. We’re passionate.
You weren’t delighted, so there’s no bloody way you’re passionate. This clichéd business phrase feels dead inside. If you have to explain your passion, you’re doing it wrong. It’s like the word ‘luxury’ on cheap chocolates (see also: incels calling themselves ‘nice guys’). Your true passion cannot be contained, it seeps through your work like a dead body on a bed sheet. There is never a reason to state the obvious.
4. We pride ourselves on…
This clichéd business phrase comes with a business cliché bonus. It’s usually paired with summat about “customer care” or “customer-focused”. This phrase is no different to “we’re passionate” because if great customer service doesn’t go without saying, you’ve got a priority problem.
5. We are innovative and agile.
I’m sorry, what? Welcome to cryptic corporate fluff. Aside from the literal meaning, this phrase means fuck all. How do you innovate? Please, for the love of god, TELL us. Adjective: agile. 1) Able to move quickly and easily. 2) Relating to or denoting a method of project management, used especially for software development… c’mon! Throw a fricken’ bone here!
6. Our mission…
Should we choose to accept it, is to not bamboozle the audience with vague, nonsensical claptrap. Mission statements are where companies flex their performative allyship. Half a sentence in, and you’re reading hollow sentiments about ’empowerment’ and ‘diversity’. A business that breathes core values doesn’t need a dedicated page.
7. Supercharge, turbocharge, and skyrocket.
No self-respecting digital marketing agency would be without at least one of these words. Agencies are Not Like Other Girls. They’re different. They’re edgy. And they swear (but they censor parts of sh*t and f*ck to mitigate offence. Yeah, Im taking the piss outta myself with this one).
8. Ever-changing landscape.
This peach has become synonymous with AI-generated copy. ChatGPT is overrun with ever-changing landscapes (see also: “In today’s fast-paced business world”). Organisations loving these lines also love the word “solutions”. Corporates and IT types mainly. I landed on a website and found “we are the people who provide advanced, cloud-led digital transformation solutions” once. Holy hell. If these companies were a band, they’d be Coldplay.
Most B2B copy is clichéd.
Google your competitors——shit, take a look at your own website, you’ll see what I mean. Do away with ambiguous wording. Ditch the meaningless drivel. Rid your website of crap that makes you sound like a dick. You don’t have to be the best. You don’t have to be different. But you do have to be good at your job. And if you are, show, don’t tell.
First published, 15th April 2024.
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