Denise is the worst prospect to ever darken my mailbox door. She’s everything I dislike in a client. And although she ‘reached out’, she’ll never hire me (for reasons that will become obvious). As business owners, we know the horror of attracting awful clients. The idea is to get good at repelling them. Sadly, one or two manage to slip through the net.
Denise is the worst prospect because:
1. Denise has been referred.
Referred potential clients rarely convert. Denise’s LinkedIn acquaintance has hired me in the past and described the experience as half-decent. The reality is, Denise doesn’t think I’m all that. She’s not spent any time ingratiating herself with all things Sarky Type. She “just” wants an SEOer of the broadest brush imaginable.
2. Denise hates my process.
Denise thinks I’m inflexible and officious. “Sarah, you sound like you’ve got a rod up your arse” (which Rod, though?). Asking Denise to follow my process is like herding twenty pissed one-eyed cats. Her inability to follow instructions is legendary. She expects way more from me than she’s prepared to give. Despite my excellent mobility, I refuse to bend over backwards for Denise.
3. Denise crosses boundaries.
I don’t jump on calls, but that’s all Denise does. She feels she’s getting a better service somehow. In truth, she loves a natter. “Couldn’t this’ve been an email?” means nothing to Denise. Speaking loudly on Zoom is the only way she can communicate, and she uses her hands——a lot.
4. Denise wants a relationship.
Denise is obsessed with social selling. She’s convinced people buy from people… as opposed to vacuum cleaners. She wears a t-shirt saying, “Make Friends For Sales”. I’m not sure how familiar Denise wants to get before she decides I’m worth hiring. Do we need a girlie night in? I fear Denise is expecting a level of commitment I cannot give. She wants chats, emails, DMs, more chats, and maybe a box of Thorntons Continental?
5. Denise doesn’t pay for things.
(If she can help it.) She doesn’t expect to spend on calls or proposals. When it comes time to pay, she drags her heels. And Denise most certainly does NOT pay upfront.
Denise can go to hell.
First published, 5th April 2024.
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