Mark Twain hates the word ‘very’ (so don’t use it, Mark) 

Mark Twain hates the word ‘very’, he really hates qualifiers: “Words like ‘really’ and ‘very’ are rarely useful… substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” What a caution he is!

Listen, if Mark feels so strongly about qualifiers, I suggest he avoids them. (And since dying in 1910, he hasn’t used a single one.) 

Mark Twain was a bit of a card.

He was a humorist. He loved a LOL did Mark. Let’s not take everything he says literally, let’s absolutely NOT create a LinkedIn carousel to demonstrate how to follow this advice——to the letter when writing marketing material… too late, someone already did——another writer, no less! Were they also having a bit of a laugh? Possibly. Were they banging out some polarising content for engagement? Without question. Does this reductive garbage give me almost all of my content ideas? You better believe it.

The carousel heading, “Qualifiers Are The Route To Mediocrity” had me shooketh. I mean, gosh, what a harsh absolute! *Fans self with hands* I was positively trembling with adrenaline. Now I’m calm I promise not to shit all over this viewpoint.

You know that’s a lie.

I understand the inference, typing too many qualifiers could make you seem like a lazy/bad writer but using qualifiers also comes down to something else: style. And it’s fair to say ‘very’ and ‘really’ are not in keeping with Twain’s.

Conversational writing loves the word ‘very’.

Let us imagine, for a moment, you were a writer of the much talked about (ha-ha) conversational style. As such, you would use qualifiers. The words ‘very’ and ‘really’ are authentically chatty.

Now, Twain was very good at vernacular dialogue, and yet, he didn’t like these particular qualifiers. Mmm… interesting… Folks spoke differently back in the 19th century, which could explain why he didn’t care for them. Another factor to consider is that Twain was a journalist and one of the things a newsman learns early is the economy of language. Less is more, love, don’t cloud facts with unnecessary guff. (I’d make a lousy journalist.) That’s the reason why marketing types love him. Copywriters especially lap up all that ‘use simple language’ gospel.

Writers like to give advice.

I am no exception. My blog is full of content writing help but I try to steer clear of absolutisms. If you’ve been around my way for any length of time, you know I love a qualifier. I also love intensifiers——words that emphasise meaning like ‘extremely’ and ‘completely’. Intensifiers are another device used in conversational writing. If I followed the rules of writing, my content would be formal and not at all how I speak. For example, I have never used the word ‘whom’ in conversation. It is, at times, grammatically correct to do so but as I’m not an Edwardian gentleman (or Mark Twain), I’ll leave it well alone.  

Song lyrics are another good example of not following the rules. Sinead sang, ‘Nothing compares to you’——not, ‘Nothing compares with you’ but the latter is correct and yet it sounds weird coz most of us wouldn’t say that. 

Writing advice is lame.

It’s not fit for purpose. If someone tells you to ‘follow these 3 writing rules’, don’t, it’s almost always bullshit. The irony is that we are told (on loop) to use conversational writing and that advice is also bullshit because it fails to recognise the most important thing in marketing and sales writing: the audience. Yes, formal writing might be uptight but conversational writing is not always appropriate. Style, audience and context are everything. 

The further irony is that this advice is supposed to improve your writing. But if you followed it, you’d sound like every other bastard. Yes, I am aware of another irony: me giving you writing advice but it’s never a do-or-die thing with me. Go on, find your writing stride. Ignore the blarney on social media. Write freely and without fear of judgment. And pay no mind to dead Mark Twain.

First published, March 2024.

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