Great content writing is like the best sex of your life

SEO content writing is such a dull subject that it often requires bags of humour or something scandalous. After all, I want you to enjoy reading this so you can pick out all the ‘value’ and apply it to your business.

I’m on such thin ice with you, I know. You’re waiting for an excuse each time you get an update from me to unsubscribe, like you need another excuse! If you haven’t subscribed, you really should, especially if you like the sound of this post.

Remember that time when Richard just ‘got you’?

Please feel free to use another name in place of ‘Richard’. I like it in this instance because you can shorten it to ‘Dick’.

Every need was met, he was all about pleasing you. He made you feel good and each seductive thing he did, pulled you closer to that final destination…

(That sounds like death. I’m not talking about death, nor that terrible film franchise. We all know what destination I’m referring to.)

In business writing, the destination is a CTA. That could mean guiding your audience to a blog sign up or, yeah, you get the picture. Writing words, all jazzed up (I know you read that as ‘jizzed up’) in their best frock, to get your prospects going is what the CTA thang is about. You gotta work this stuff into your webcopy or users will be all over the damn place. If you don’t, they’ll leave because it will bring back memories of terrible Tony, or as you call him, all-mouth-and-no-action Tony.


They won’t get everyone going. Your sensual, erotic writing will stimulate your preferred audience only. Are you getting fed up with all this ‘sex’ talk yet? No? Good, I’ll continue.

Barbara likes to begin with a warm bath, lit only by the light of scented candles. She loves it when Pete puts on some David Soul, along with some Jovan Musk… They take their time, unlike the weekends when they invite the neighbours round for a key party, it’s every man for himself then.

Tony (I’m sticking with the 70s theme) loves to just get on with it. He hates all that mucking about with romance. He goes down the pub, picks up a ‘bird’, buys her a Babycham (if she’s lucky!), after which it’s back to his for a brief 20 minutes of ‘fun’.

Different strokes, for different folks

Your style, your humour, your business approach will not be for everyone – a tired old refrain but a truthful one. Once you realise that, you’ll start to relax and stop trying to please shit loads of prospects.

I bang on about writing for your ideal client, I do, but not to the detriment of your personality. You can tone down being you, dampen your idiosyncratic ways but you won’t be very happy. If you’re not providing the type of content for your business that you like to create, who cares who likes it?

You will be miserable. You’ll take to drink and probably start seeing prostitutes to fill that emotional void

You probably won’t do that, I mean I did, but after lots of therapy – I’m through the worst of it. It doesn’t matter what industry my prospects work in, the ideal client bit for me, means they have a keen sense of irony, find me hilarious and are minted (looking smokin’ hot is a bonus). So before you think about what your ideal client likes to engage with, think about what you like to write. All this is fundamental to your brand voice, ethos, values, (vomits into bag).

I spoke to this guy once (not all men are petrified of me – and yes, only once) and he said he couldn’t write content for himself. He struggled to be who he was, in his business. I think many worry about that too, they worry about judgement and they worry about being themselves in fear people won’t like them.

I hate to break it to you but there are already people that don’t like you. I can provide you with a list of people that despise me

Once you start producing the content you want, there will be people that will avoid engaging with it. They will never buy from you. You should be very proud of that because it means you have something distinctive to offer. An ideal client is a starting point, it helps you to focus on the congregation you’re preaching to.

And the rest? Fuck ’em.

If you have a bangin’ personality but you can’t translate that to your content, take a look at what I do:


1 Comment

  1. Neil patel says:

    Thank you for sharing this information

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