Perfect client, is that you?

Perfect client

Client Qualifier sounds a bit terrifying but it’s for your benefit. I bet you’ve had that awkward moment where you didn’t hit it off with a client. It happens to us all but we don’t often find that out until several emails (or calls) later.

Your time is valuable.

So reading this will save you some.

I write content that doesn’t bore the shit out of your audience. You’re here because a) you’re tired of bland business copy and b) you rate me as a writer.

When you hire me, you’re getting this:

In the words of Christian Grey, my tastes are very singular. The customer is not always right and by that I mean right for me. 

This blurb qualifies you as my business someone so if I’m not for you you’ve just dodged a bullet.

I work ruddy hard.

And if you’re my guy you will too. And if you do work with me and there will be LOLs but I take the business of doing business very seriously so I need you to be just as dedicated.

This is what I need from you:

That’s what profesh looks like to moi.

Things to keep in mind.

The quality of the content I write will be determined by the quality of the information you provide. If you’re vague or don’t know stuff, your new content will be vague (and sound like you don’t know stuff).

Understand your ideal client like your own child.

If you aren’t marketing to a specific group or haven’t figured out the pain point you’re alleviating, I cannot write for you (soz). The research I undertake depends on your knowledge of your audience.

Know your keywords.

Any content that lives on a website will require keywords. Knowing yours, is, well, key. Every web page has a focus keyword. If you need new ones you can hire me to research them.

FYI: everyone describes their business as ‘friendly but professional’.

I appreciate this stuff can be difficult to define but when I ask you about your business personality/tone of voice, I’m not asking you about your values. I’m asking you about the vibe you give off. For example, you can have a business persona like mine (a frivolous sarky sod) and be fully loaded with integrity. Understand how you sound vs what you stand for.

My process.

I do everything via email. 

I don’t jump on calls to do my job but if you want to arrange a consultation call, book my Content Confab and we can chat over your ideas.

Payment is in full and upfront.

As soon as the project is paid, the work will be scheduled.

I don’t do endless rewrites.

You’re hiring me because you’re bad with words. The brilliant writing bit is my responsibility (so take a load off). Before the proofreader gets her hands on the content, you get to check that all the important info has been added. But If you don’t value my opinion on writing over your own, you’ll be a terrible client (and you will think me an arrogant twat).

Want more serious-sounding guff? Read this → Terms of Service.

Next steps:

I’ll send the Action Plan invoice straight after.

Hold up!

Are you looking for a writer on a more regular basis? If so, >>step this way>>