Are your customers stupid? No, they’re probably lazy

No one wants to attract customers that are stupid. But often, marketing sorts suggest we treat prospects as if they were total dummies.

In reality, some of them might be absolute morons but most, are not. They’re just really fucking lazy. And once you appreciate that, you’ll unlock some knowledge about getting those buggers to convert.

But before we talk about your prospects, we need to address the elephant in the room.

The Google core update

Google is rolling this arsewipe out in 2021. (Actually, it happened at the start of June but they didn’t get everything done in time, so now, there’s a further update in July 2021. Fer fuck’s sake.) I’m sorry (ish) to say but your website will be affected. Oh, lord who art in heaven, how are we meant to muddle on?!

I’m sat here trying to concentrate on the business of writing this whilst the dog rims herself. It’s very distracting. She just loves to come to where I’m at and ‘clean’ her body parts. 

How will the Google update balls up my business?

It won’t.

Google has a lovely little analogy on how you should view it:

“One way to think of how a core update operates is to imagine you made a list of the top 100 movies in 2015.

A few years later in 2019, you refresh the list. It’s going to naturally change. Some new and wonderful movies that never existed before will now be candidates for inclusion. You might also reassess some films and realize they deserved a higher place on the list than they had before.

The list will change, and films previously higher on the list that move down aren’t bad. There are simply more deserving films that are coming before them.”

From the horse’s mouth, Google

Google seriously needs a decent copywriter.

Let’s all try to keep calm.

Your site won’t be penalised – it’s not getting a telling off but pages might not rank as well as before, some might actually do better. But remember whatever happens now to your site, will likely change again after the final update. Jesus wept.

If you want to find out more about what Google has to say on the subject, click here.

If you want my take on their update, keep reading.

Stupid lazy clients and the Google update

Let’s av a look at how you can mitigate any changes. 

Our lazy potential clients are looking on the web. And they’re looking for us (when they can be arsed to lift their head off the sofa). Because surfing the internet is so exhausting, they want an easy time when they land on your website.

Picture this scene…

When you meet someone new, you make an instant judgement.

Your first impression is based on looks, manner, and overall persona. That doesn’t mean your initial judgement is a true or complete representation but unlike humans, websites don’t have time to slowly reveal who they are. They have seconds to impress the visitor and get them to want to stick around.

And pleading and begging are not only unattractive traits between humans, they’re also off-putting when websites try similar ploys (yes, I’m talking about the 27 pop-ups you insist on installing).

So when you meet Mike for the first time, you might think he’s an utter cock. Maybe he’s a bit difficult, and you struggle to understand what he says because his diction is terrible. But once you get to know him he’s actually really lovely (or a bit less of a cock).

Websites don’t have that luxury.

If you’re not hitting the right tone with your content, and focusing only on the people likely to buy from you, you’re sort of pissing against the wind. 

Just thinking now of a man, having a wee, in a gale, and it gets blown back onto him. Gross.

User Experience (UX)

What the hell?

Do not be alarmed, this isn’t about to get boring/difficult.

You’re probably already bored.

UX means exactly what it says. Google will be placing more emphasis on how easy a website is to navigate. Your potentials are lazy, remember, they don’t want to spend their time having to root through pages of content to find what they need. 

If your site is like the home of a hoarder after 20 years, collecting tat, users won’t stay. They’re not going to make the effort to look through out-of-date bean cans, cat shit, and old newspapers to find your eBook. And why would you make it that bloody difficult?

Stop keeping stuff on your site because you like it. If it doesn’t get you paying clients, it’s taking up valuable space

Make it easy to find stuff. Make your copy clear and to the point. This should be obvious so don’t fuck it up.

You don’t just have to consider how straightforward it is to move around your website.

Having a logical flow with clear destinations aren’t the only elements that impact user experience. If, for example, your website doesn’t adapt to mobile view, you’re losing customers. Nearly everyone is looking at websites on their mobile devices. If you’re only concern is how it behaves on desktop, you’re a pilchard.

Slow loading times will also bugger things up. If you have high-resolution images – please compress those bastards but there are plenty of back-end elements that could be affecting your sites’ overall performance.

Content is still a big deal

And it always will be.

That’s why I bang on about blogging. It’s the one, glorious place you can keep adding regular content to your website. Helpful, high-quality, useful, unique-to-you information for your people. Some of you might continue to underestimate how valuable words on a page are, and those individuals ought to be placed in stocks and have badger shit thrown at them.

If you’re prioritising everything else, above your online copy, you’re worse than those people who don’t change the loo roll when it’s done

I’m bored now, let’s finish up

Things to keep in mind: prospects are lazy so make your website easy to use, and don’t neglect your content.

BUT

Getting your site bang on means looking at all its components.

Content, site architecture, and technical elements all play a part. Find yourself a technical SEO and book an audit to identify some quick wins. Monitor your website’s performance with Google Console and track the content that performs well. Then you can figure out why certain pages rank better and apply those principles to all your site.

If you’d like to read more about the Google update, click here.

If you’d like help with your overall website health, book a review with me.

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